feeling and discovery

i cannot use words for all of this
and still, i type away on a mini machine

voices laughing, yelping indiscernible
language i don't know
a silver cat says hello in front of me
it is his.her perpetual hello
it is that's reminder

smoke fills lungs that used to be clean
thoughts fill a soul that used to be pure
i throw lead into the air
and dance among my short coming
the target is much too far!
the target is much too small!

i land beyond arm's length.

among mist and dampness
i plant seeds
that may never awaken to golden leaves shuddering in the light of day and moon.
an immense disappearance
an immense unknowningness

the mark cannot be seen
nor can it be touched or tasted

i go forward
with disregard for all that makes the others shrivel cringe and scowl
i go back
with diregard for all that makes my insides swirl and whirl and move outwardly
toward the weathered, stained and unkept tips of my own feeling and discovery

i am a whisper in my own ears

though...

i scream.