listen carefully now.

after all this i'm only knee deep. watching black mountains turn to white, grey walls go moist in rain. pipe work takes things down below the surface...pipe work takes things out of my sight. my legs are crossed, i wear my grandmother's jogging jacket. she's been gone for a long time now. long time now. after all this, i wonder if she can still see me.

a stout horn honks...calling some someone out of their house. it honks and honks and honks. makes me realize the kind of person i might be.

sound of a numb television beeeeep hum thumps behind me, the men laugh outside as they feed their hunger. tiny specks of light catch drops of water bouncing from a blue car hood as drops of rain soflty land on a layer of water. the neighbors are collecting wood. they'll soon build another building. yet another building.

i can hear someone breathing. and then there's the old woman...graced with turquoise and coral. she smiles at me everyday. she sits in sun, counting counting counting. she's always wrapped in red... and the map of her life is etched into the dark wrinkled skin of her face. she smiles all the time.

i keep wishing i could see you on the street. magically walking up to me. we could go for a drive. i'd show you all the places where i cried when i first landed here. we could laugh together at the silly way we are. humans are so funny. maybe i could show you the turtle...or the spot by the river i found one day when all was mad and i was sad. the spot where blue water seperates from brown and gathers in a tiny pool. the way your eyes would do when light would catch their souls. i went there and thought of you. went there and wondered. about. you.

after all this i can't see the things i used to see everyday. saw the truth in my momma's eyes last night. they told me i should have thought more. they told me i knew what i was doing...somewhere in here i knew what i was doing. they told me i knew it was time. they asked me, kindly and with tremendous silence...to listen carefully now.

have you ever seen someone so.....? so lovely? i keep wishing i could see you on the street...magically walking up to me.

i'm too scared to write it for myself..so i'll write it all for you.